Sunday, 11 May 2014

The Horsehoe Phase

This post previously appeared on my wordpress.com blog Concentrated Ramblings 

When I was much younger than I am now my dad was showing me a picture of his father. Taken in the man’s later years his hair was thick around the the sides of his head and thin on the top. I don’t know why he thought it was a good idea but the telltale lines of a comb-over were evident even in the faded photo. Between chuckles dad told me that baldness skips a generation, pointing to his own thinning, but still very much there, hair. With foreboding he pointed a finger at me and declared “it will happen to you”. I scoffed at his warnings and dismissed it as the ramblings of someone who had drunk a few too many Victoria Bitters, but his dire prediction for my future never left my head.
Fast-forward five years.

I have just come back from Big W after purchasing a pair of Phillips hair clippers. I am standing in front of the mirror looking at my hair. I was 23 and my hair was still a rich brown colour thick and vibrant…on the sides and back. Ladies and gentlemen: I was entering the Horseshoe Phase. After much heavy breathing and fear I turned on the clippers and began what would soon become a weekly ritual. 20 long minutes later the bathroom sink had a coat of my recently shaved hair.I remember being struck by not only how much of it there actually was, but by how shiny it looked. As I was looking in the mirror admiring my new look I realised I had put too much emotion into the moment. Perhaps it was because I was literally taking my hair into my own hands but instead of feeling impotent I felt energised, like I was taking my life into my own hands. When I showed my dad my new (and continued) hairstyle he was horrified, saying that he was only joking about his past comments. I’m guessing he felt like he had cursed me.

A lot of stock is put into men and their hair. Society views bald men as lacking in virility and being impotent in more than one way. Before I started shaving I was concerned about how I would look without my hair. Alec Baldwin famously said in 30 Rock “your hair is your headsuit”, after a few months of shaving I looked at past photos of myself differently. Since shaving my hair I always look at my hair in the pictures and hated what I saw. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with it. It was an annoyance that didn’t do me any favours. Nowadays people actually compliment me on the shape of my head, saying that it is a good shape. It seems I was destined to go bald and look good while doing so. Worse accidents have happened.

As good as the unintended side-effects are the rate at which I am losing my hair is depressing, It is a sick joke that the baldness starts in the most noticeable place and then doesn’t seem to spread. I have seen desperate individuals attempt the comb over or have done nothing with it. I can safely say in both instances it is better to shave. Besides the emotional boost you get from self-maintenance and independence you look cleaner and more streamlined as well as the financial gains; never again will I be burdened by overpriced haircuts to cover my scraps or be forced into making a choice in which shampoo to buy. Having lost something I have gained freedom.

Going bald is not the worst thing to have happened. The way I see it it is a transition into the next stage of my life. In video game terms I am leveling up. Do not fear going bald embrace it. When you do you will gain more confidence and be happier than you were before. People will see this confidence and be inspired by it. What do you have to lose?

Til next time.

Sputnick

Monday, 5 May 2014

May the 4th

Welcome to my blog, take from it what you will and discard the rest: just like all other advice on the planet.

So today (or tomorrow if you are in a different time zone to Australia) was May the 4th. Up until a couple of years ago it was just another blip on the radar, another random day filled with the ups and downs of regular life until some genius (the internet) christened the day "Star Wars Day" due to how similar it was to the phrase more kids (and adults) know better than the second verse of the Australian National Anthem (side note: guess which country I'm from). From this small and delightful play-on-words May the 4th continued to grow to the rate that a national cinema chain screened all six Star Wars films over the weekend. The reach and popularity of the galaxy far, far, away knows few bounds.

I am a self-confessed Star Wars fan. I am an original (1977-1983) trilogy purist and I continue to have unresolved issues with Hayden Christensen. This does not differentiate me from the angry and vocal throng of the internet folk but my experience with the trilogy does. (Upcoming nostalgia warning- you have been warned).

In my earliest years I did not give one single shit about Star Wars. For the better part of my single-digit existence I did not care about it and had no interest in it. I had seen snippets of it on TV or at my friend's houses with their vast toy collections (bring back Micro Machines!) but I was more into Power Rangers or playing on the ancient video consoles of the early-to-mid 1990s.

All that changed in 1997.

A friend at the time used to go to the movies every Friday with his family. Being that he lived just across the road I was pretty much family so I would go with them whenever I was free or could be bothered. I skipped one night but went the next week. I didn't know what we were seeing but everyone was excited. When we arrived at the cinemas my friend pointed at a movie poster and told me we were seeing that movie. Being nine I could read fairly well:

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.

Unknowingly I had stumbled into one the 20th anniversary re-releases of the Star Wars Trilogy. Only being vaguely aware of what Star Wars was I went in a blank slate, indifferent to either the Rebel Alliance or the Galactic Empire.

Oh how that changed.

Two-or-so hours later I had the requisite crush on Princess Leia, got freaked out by the cave on Dagobah, was in awe of the might of the Empire, terrified of Darth Vader, and shocked by what happened to Luke. Thank god the internet wasn't around like it is today back then or I wouldn't have liked it half as much. I didn't know the ending, that ending was uncharted territory to me. The thrill of the adventure and the characters all wrapped up in a special effects blanket transformed me from a slightly awkward quiet child into a full-blown sci-fi nerd (which the school bullies would also be aware of as well). I didn't care much; I had found my niche.

Fast forward to today: just under 20 years later and I am stunned at how fast Star Wars has gobbled up everything in its path and set the standard for every other budding film student and any kid who has ever picked up a pencil to draw anything. I challenge you to try drawing something that doesn't vaguely resemble something from the saga.

On this May the 4th we should recognise the effect, for better or for worse, that Star Wars has had on our lives. It's hold and influence on pop culture makes itself known to even those unlucky few who have not seen the films. I'm of the age now where I will be having children within the decade and one of the key questions that rattles around in my mind is: how will I introduce Star Wars to my children? Chronologically? Original then Prequel? Machete? This has been made more complicated by J.J. Abrams' upcoming additions to the canon. Dammit he'd better not screw it up!

Now I will ask the readers of this blog a few questions: Who here observes May the 4th? Who thinks that the Star Wars saga gets too much exposure? Which film is your favourite?

'Til next time.

Sputnick